Title: I miss you so much.

I thought I will never be able to let it go.
But in deep I know, It just a matter of time.

One month later,
Everything suddenly came up without any reason.
I felt Emo for few days and I don't know why.
And then I suddenly saw the date one night.
Ow..
I cried for almost two hours and wrote a note.

“
Hello 啊嬷
你离开我们已经一个月又两天了。
我一直想要相信这对你来说其实是最好的。
你不需要再去医院,抽血,打针,还要做那些你不喜欢的事,承受那些痛苦。
可是这一点都不好 。
全部人都说你还放不下, 临走前还能说话,什么问题都没有,还很清楚知道自己在做什么。
可是为什么?
明明在那个星期前bejie还说你还能3到5年的。
唯一的问题只是癌细胞,其他部分都很健康。
为什么?
我不懂,也不可能会懂了...

每个人都一直觉得自己是在做梦。
梦醒了,你还在。
可是我们永远都没有梦醒的机会了。

我就是放不下。
你不可能就这样离开了。
我应该多去看看你,就算你很累,在睡觉,我也后悔当时没有待得久。
我还记得你星期六那天让我把剩下的虾饼吃完。
如果是平常,我可能会不吃。
不过那天不知道为什么, 我就真的把它吃完了。
你还一直问我要不要喝菊花茶, 我也喝了。
然后你就坐在躺椅那边看着, 休息着, 睡着。


我遗憾你离开的时候我不在。
我一开始以为你是到家后才离开, 过后才听到啊坤妈妈说你是在救护车上离开的。
在还没有上救护车的时候你还很精神,还能提醒啊坤妈妈做事情。
为什么?
如果你当时没有离开吉隆坡的话...
是不是就会不一样?
又如果你没有去吉隆坡的话...
不会有如果了。

我们还说好要一起去阿莹的毕业典礼。
没有交通就算我需要驾车也没问题!

你还没看到我毕业。
你还没让我给你家用。
你还没看到我带男朋友回家。
你还有好多好多事情要和你的乖孙们一起做。

你怎么就离开了...

每个人都想念你的咖啡。
我都忘了最后一次喝是什么时候。

以前你每次泡咖啡我都不喝。
有时候, 我想喝或者要和大家一起喝就跑去拿了一杯, 你都会笑着看着我, 然后说:"你也会喝咖啡啊。"
我就会笑着看回你。

现在, 我们再也喝不到你的咖啡了...
我很想念你。
希望你还在。

不过, 我更希望你现在是舒服的。
幸福的。 快乐的。
没有烦恼。

这样就好了。
”

29.11.14 

0158 :')

CNY 2014. Everyone was so excited to take photo with Ah gong Ah ma :)

14.11.14 ThrowBack.

* From S Note Diary*

Happy Birthday Siew :)
I'm not sure what's the reason really is but I wasn't excited about birthday this year.
Maybe I had grown up and didn't expect much or maybe after ah ma passed away I don't see it as so important event..
I don't feel much excited about anything since ah ma passed away. Calm je.
Anyway, Happy Birthday.
Had have a memory to look back after years ;)
Great to have them.

I woke up early at 6 in the morning shocked by WJY sound.
Aunty changed my alarm ring tone after I slept.
He was singing birthday song in Cantonese.
The first sound I listen on ny great day was this!
The first word that came out from me is 什么鬼哦!
Then I straight away turned it off.
Wah lao! Hahaha!
I saw an action memo when i turned off the alarm

Went to campus after that for applied lab.
Many wished me Happy Birthday :)
I was shy even to say thank you only!
Apa la Siew ni -.-
I wanted din to gift me ten cents with his sign on it and quwe to gift me shapen wire but I got no chance to ask for it. Too bad :\
It was the first time I tried tried and tried so many times until I can finish the lab successfully.
There are a time I wanted to give up after so many times trying to figure out what the problem is but luckily quwe didn't.
He asked Fuad to helped check the circuit and after few trying we managed to finish it :)
I think we were the last group.
It felt great when you get thing done after trying to do it for so many times.
They all finished and waited for me.
Justin said 快点咯, 再不走连油都要干了咯
I felt funny ^^

The same thing happened again.
Don't know where to go and keep hesitating.
They asked me want to go near bukit beruang or to town.
I told them I don't know. Let them decide ba.
Actually I wanted to say go to town!! Happily.
But my personality made me say so.
Why like this ha siew? Why?
At last they decided to go Eggxtra ^^
Nice hehe.
And then the same thing happened again.
I not dare to order expensive food.
Not dare to order drinks.
I was wondering can I actually.
But at last I decided to follow what I will if it wasn't my birthday.
This is better.

Had a peaceful lunch and back to campus for industrial talk.
The talk finished at 4.30 pm.
And then rain suddenly come!!
Heavily!!
The same as morning when we went to campus.
Why it kept raining on the "right" time one.
But I wasn't wet as aunty go get her car and stopped in front if FKEKK lobby.
Back home. Do report. And continue my coding game ^^
It was around 6.

10.12.14
Omg. I missed so many interesting part!
And one month passed!
Hope i still remember it.
Hehe :)

I planned to sleep and woke up after half an hour for dinner.
But I wouldn't have time for the game if I slept so i change plan.
Play and dinner.
(Wahlao i forgot the detail liao)
Like was i kept ask aunty which laptop? Need to on laptop? Outside laptop only? Place near laptop?
At last i on aunty laptop and the first thing is laptop password.
"941114"
I got it right on the first try ^^
Then a cupcake wallpaper ^^
Ah mah folder.
I clicked in.
Folder 1.
Inside was a video.
Happy birthday song. Photos. Happy birthday.
I was happy to see that :)
Folder 2.
The clue!
"2 1 7"
This one i use quite long time.
Maybe 10 to 15 minutes.
I tried to combine it. Sum it. "Quantities" it.
At last suddenly know it was BAG.
Then i search my bag.
It was inside my black laptop bag.
The present was a black hoodies.
Please ask me i like it or not.
I like it.
Even though the cloth doesnt feel good. The colour made people feel like lab coat.
I still like it.
Coding game end.

Dinner time.
They said wanted to go eat rice at 苑心轩 but full.
Then we went to old town.
I ate nasi lemak ayam.
Simon belanja ^^
But i felt bad because if I said nvm maybe he won't insist de but i didn't say.
Because its quite expensive for me.
I wanted to just eat RM3.50 laksa de.
At old town there got momo, jia yang, yung hau, justin, simon, ah jie, aunty and me.

After that we went to play pool.
Yuan ben i wanted to go back and watch 一次就爱对 de.
But select who said go play.
Spent almost 2 hours there.
Had fun :)
But no photos of me there.
The only one who keep taking photo was me.
Then we back home around 11.30 pm

When we reach home I suddenly remember that i haven't snap photos with everyone.
Then i said i wanted to go their house.
Jia yang wanted to bath first so we waited for him.
After he bath he gave me a card.
Hand made one. Very nice one.
Then we went to their house.

I was the first one to go in.
I saw the cake.
I haha and wanted to leave.
Haha I really didn't expect de.
Cz everyone just go back home after pool.
So i thought no more cake.
Then cake session. Card Game session. Photo session.
Really had fun.
We left there around 2 am  ^^
Haha have to wake up at 6 the next morning de leh.
So tired but still spent time to write the front part of this diary until 3 something.
Enjoyed the whole day.
Thanks everyone.
Great to have you guys as friend.

Sem 5 Mid Sem Break ( 18.10 - 26.10)

* 20.12 Saw this draft. Wonder why it wasn't post.
    Late for two months already haha *

Had test at 4 on Friday.
Should be able to back on that day but actually it's quite late.
Ah Ma report also came out on the next day.
So we stayed til Saturday.

We went to Amigo at night.
Thought it would be fun :\\
Aunty, Ah Sam, Ah Jie, Momo, Simon and Yung Hau.
First time there and happy to try new thing.
Order this.

The biggest mistake.
Thinking back the feeling of food poisoning when I ate.
Felt like vomit if I finished it.
So for the first time of my life I didn't finish the food that costs me more than RM 10.
LOL haha.

After that they went cheong K at BB.
I didn't go ^^
Waste.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay.

Went to hospital to take ah ma report.

Then eat dim sum with Bejie and Bejim.

After that back ah ma house.

Reach about 2 pm.

I'm going to start.

Sleep. Eat. Bath. Play. Sleep.

Download drama. Watch drama. 

Write Note. Do Tutorial.

That's all I do.

I know mei kee told me she will be at segamat on that weekend.

But I was waiting for her to ajak me go out instead of me ajak her.

Felt bad.

Because I never ajak her when she didn't ajak me.

Breakfast at Kampung Tengah.

Went to Shu gong house.

Went to play at playground.

Make banana cake but too soft. Kind of fail.

Make potato cake but too ugly. Fail.

Want to make steam banana egg but lack of milk. Fail.

Then the end of my mid sem break.

10.10.14 - 11.10.14

UTeM FKEKK 3DEN Class Trip to Ulu Bendul! :)

Planned to depart at 3.30 pm but delayed until 4.30 pm :P
The same car with Kai Yang and Keat An.

Around 1.30 hours journey.
RM 8.50 toll fee.
Acap and Aidil led us ^^

We gather at Petron after highway to make sure everyone reach there safely.

Dja treat Ice Cream! 

The crunch is mine ^^

Lemonade kai yang and aunty. The cup de is momo. Ah Jie de also lemonade.

We reach there about 6 pm.
Arrange things and put bags at chalet then went to camp site.

Guys busy setting up their tents while girls busy cut veges to make salad.

I do nothing and keep photo here photo there XD

I like this photo!! 

Actually we took it on a turtle stone.

:PP

:))

Haha like!

They started BBQ around 9pm.
At first we just eat after the chickens were cooked..
But after one or two round Dja kept all the chicken.
She said we can only eat after all the chicken were cooked.
We were like :O
Why?

How long time would it took for this big box of chicken to be cooked?

It was already 10 pm and this was our dinner!

And so..

Guys decided to go out and find any shop to eat.

Momo started it actually XD

We went out through a dark and long road.

The shop just outside the camp site was closed.

Then they saw lights opposite the road.

It was dark red and I saw people dancing or moving.

It didn't feel like a place to eat for me.

But they wanted to go look for it and I followed.

When I saw a stone bridge! OMG. It seemed like a supernatural place XD

We won't be coming out after passing through it.

Thinking too much.

We went in and no table to be seated.

Some guy let out his place for us.

We order nasi kampung and maggi goreng.

I think it took 15 minutes for the drinks and another 30 minutes for the food to be served.

I don't feel safe. 

But everything is going to be okay if we were all together.

We went back after that.

They finished eating already XD

Then out turn to eat :P

After that I don't know who started it.

We went down to river to play!

Mandi kaki ^^

I don't know whose hand are these.

I don't know whose legs are these XD

Hehe :)

Yo!

Don't forget the camp fire!

They said they put it on using rubber.

They sang songs and play guitar.

I didn't join. Don't feel like it ngam me. 

But mostly malay songs I think.

I sat together with Dja them.

Tried to play Ukelala? Ukalala? How to spell -.-

Then they ate again XD

Kerang I think.

Aunty, kai yang, keat an, yung hau and momo sat inside a tent and sang songs.

We went back to chalet with Dja and Fari around 3 am and slept.

Woke up at 7am.

Went to and back from the camp site for three times with Dja to take things!

Walk sampai mau tidur. 

They keep delay don't want to breakfast pula.

I also don't know why wake up so early Z.Z

Around 8 am like that go mandi kaki again ^^

I think we all gather around 9 to 10 like that.

15 minutes of breakfast.

Then started!

We were separated into 4 groups.

I was in the same group with meen, Justin, Two Din, Fuad and Firdaus.

The first game very geli T.T

Find for sugars in flour without using hand.

I raid to be the first one :PP

The second one very easy. 

Pass through 4 tiang.

The third one is merentasi tembok.

Never ever pass through it without help XD

Then is to crawl.

Geli to touch the soil.

Fifth is climb through a straight stairs.

This one easy ^^

The sixth one is monkey jump?

Don't know how to describe :P

But I straight away skip this! HAHAHA

The last one is tarzan XD

I thought I can pass this one.

But Mana tau cannot :(

Then we need to blow a balloon and burst it using out pet pet XD

Don't know who is the winner also.

Play for fun ^^

After that they went to play water liao.

Ah Jie, Keat an, Yung Hau and us stayed to play the tarzan.

Because I want to success on doing it!

Try try try and try.

All I get was hand pain and the conclusion was that I got no enough energy to support myself -.-

Maybe spent more than half an hour there XD

After that we went to find them and play water!

Had so much fun.

We had lunch by the river too!

They BBQ chicken and bring rice there.

So semangat on bringing the things for so far ^^

Enjoy having lunch there.

The food become very tasty haha.

We left there around 3 pm and prepare to go back.

We went to Taman Ular Sawa before we back.

They took photo with the snake!

Next!

Group photo.

Without me, aunty and Ah Jie because aunty suddenly walked away and we followed her.

Felt bad when I first saw these two photos.

Because I'm not inside :(

And then I kan kai le.

No Jau Shi No. 

Well.. this is the end of this trip :)

The following are photos I like or want to post.

Enjoy :)

Photo at Dja house 

Before depart!

When we gather at Ulu Bendul

Haha! At the restaurant

During morning activities :)

Play Water!

I like this photo :)

Okay finally!! :D

Write it for few days already.